I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
