I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
as a side note pls kill me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
