So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
