I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
even my farts smell like vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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