I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sober January is a disaster.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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