he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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