i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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