My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize