Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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