and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am in a vortex of obligation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
