btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
