was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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