I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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