Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
