what day is it and did you see me today?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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