Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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