i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The air taste purple.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
