It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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