I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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