I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
