My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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