I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
