I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
