You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize