apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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