my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
