I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
