There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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