Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
