Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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