Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
