She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
