Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
