no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
