Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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