Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
