There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
