And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
