Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
