probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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