Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
