I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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