you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
