She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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