I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize