I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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