Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
