this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
