All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
