Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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