and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
