Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
