There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
