I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
