Can i not drive my cunt home
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
