i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
