Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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