wanna go halves on a baby?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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