Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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