i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
