it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
