I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
