To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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