I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
