Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
