I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
