you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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