if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
