i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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