How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
