We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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