We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
