are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
